| i never loved him, i follow, i wish. |
[27 Feb 2006|01:24pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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marilyn manson-irresponsible hate anthem |
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i confess that i never loved my ex boyfriend. its just that everyone wanted me to be with him, and i led myself to believe that i wanted to also. in the end i messed up with the person that i really loved and then i found out that he loved me the whole time that i was with the other guy. i wish i could have brooke it off sooner so i could have been with the one i love today longer. i also confess that i hate people just because my friends hate them. i guess you can call me a follower but people always follow me so i dont know what i am.
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| i never loved him, i follow, i wish. |
[27 Feb 2006|01:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
marilyn manson-irresponsible hate anthem |
] |
i confess that i never loved my ex boyfriend. its just that everyone wanted me to be with him, and i led myself to believe that i wanted to also. in the end i messed up with the person that i really loved and then i found out that he loved me the whole time that i was with the other guy. i wish i could have brooke it off sooner so i could have been with the one i love today longer. i also confess that i hate people just because my friends hate them. i guess you can call me a follower but people always follow me so i dont know what i am.
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[27 Feb 2006|07:40pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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Im new here Hii everyone.
I confess that i still am more depressed than ive ever been
in my life. I act happy to impress you; and not be asked
soo many questions. i hate feeling this way and im too
scared to ask for help.
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| deep inside of me |
[27 Feb 2006|07:53pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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i broke down in rugby today. i almost made it through the whole practice, but i just felt so horrible. i had to throw up and i felt like i was going to pass out and because i wasn't feeling well i wasn't putting in as much effort as i usually do so the coaches kept telling me what i was doing wrong. i felt like they all thought i was a piece of shit. ten minutes before practice ended i broke down and started crying, i couldn't take it anymore. so katie walked me out into the hall and i told her i felt like i was going to be sick so i just sat down and bawled my eyes out. i didnt want to tell her how i felt mentally. i wanted to give up and i did. this is too much you know? i needed to give up, i needed to fail. i'm so tired of life and i dont know how to say that to my counsellor. she always asks why and what can i do to change that feeling, but the problem is that it's caused by everything and i could go on for hours about what is fucking me up but i only have an hour with her. i feel overwelmed with school and all of my courses... the homework that piles up that i cant bring myself to do because i'm just so tired when i get home. how i want to quite rugby but the pressure that my team puts on me to stay, or maybe its just the pressure i put on myself. i want to lie in bed all day and just write, listen to music and sleep. i dont feel like i can accomplish anything these days and i dont know how to tell my teachers that i'm overwelmed with everything because its only 5 weeks into the second semester and i dont want to make a bad impression, but i am giving off a negative vibe because i dont finish anything. i'm distracted in class by my past, my scars ... my whole friggin mind. i wish i could be different and confident and happy or anything that would get me through. i'm just so tired. i'm almost at my breaking point which makes me stress out more because i should be better. i've gone through my hard time, i should be over these feelings but the fact is that i'm not and i dont want to tell anyone that because they will think i'm lying. that i'm faking it, i'm not though. i'm so tired of life and i want to give up, but i have too much on my plate right now that i cant take that chance again. i cant lose this.
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