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[03 Jul 2008|01:12pm] |
the mistake i made.. when i cheated on you.. happened more than once. countless times with tb. and a few times with others.
i can't tell you because i love you. and i didn't do it because i had doubts (with tb.. there were doubts. and part of me is still so head over heels for him idk what to do).
that night 4 years ago ruined any perception or idea i had about love, and life, and trust. mostly it ruined my perception on myself. i was 14 and my childhood, my views on everything, were gone.
after that, the ability to see any good in me, any worth, was gone. and i found worth in people wanting to be with me... people wanting me. i know everything i have done is wrong. i know that.
and i know that i can never do it again... you give me everything i need. you believe in me no matter how many times i mess up.
but i think this unspoken confession is giving me my anxiety. i think the guilt from this... and all my feelings about what js did to me is causing this problem. and idk how to tell you.
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